PART III. HE SAID/SHE SAID- "Why WOMEN cheat?"

*This video says it ALL!

ALL MEN ARE DOGS/Women are saints?

Men always get a bad wrap for being “players” or cheating on their significant others...BUT guess what...WOMEN CHEAT ALSO! Of course its not all women, but it’s a lot more then we would ever admit. Many women either have cheated, thought about cheating, been on the brink of cheating, are currently cheating OR knows a girlfriend who has! Yes that’s right, I said it because it’s true. Women are just smarter creatures and usually don’t get caught; Therefore it “APPEARS” as if men are the only species double dipping! However, there are clear differences as to why men “monkey around,” and why women do it. I’m going to discuss the driving force behind OUR actions and give the men a break. So buckle up, and let’s enjoy this mental ride!

*Note: This article doesn’t apply to the serial cheaters and women with sexual issues such as having a sexual addiction, therefore you cheat to sooth that desire. Those issues are another topic! This is for the “average” everyday relationships. 

What drives us into the arms of another?

I can’t stress enough that women are emotional creatures. Truth is even us alpha females have an emotional side. You might not see it often, but it’s there. This emotional trait is especially apparent when we’re in love, and drives many of the decisions and choices we make in our relationships. Therefore if and when we “cheat” it’s usually not for the same physical reasons of why a man does it. In fact cheating doesn’t have to be a physical thing for us! YES, that’s right fellas, I said cheating DOESN’T have to be physical!! Having an affair can be mental stimulation for us with another guy, and you’ll see what I mean as I discuss further. Just let that aspect of mental cheating sink in. IF we decide to step out of bounds in our relationship, it’s because our emotions drives us to. There are four main reasons as to why a woman would cheat, and all of those reasons intertwine with each other, and are emotionally driven.  The four cheating factors are:

• Lack of attention
• Feeling taken for granted/ feeling unappreciated 
• Boredom...
• Stress caused by him/ THE PAYBACK

   

~Lack of Attention

Mental Cheating comes into play with this factor. We require A LOT from a man emotionally, and as taxing as it could be to a guy, we STILL need it. Many of us say “I don’t ask for much, and all I want is...(feel in the blanks)”; But actually we do need a lot when it comes from our partner whether we want to admit it or not. And if you think you’re a “piece of cake” just ask your significant other...he might tell the truth if he’s brave! Not only do we want a good faithful man that meets at least 80 percent of our criteria, but he has to cater to our emotional needs as well. Reality is we LOVE attention in all forms! We love compliments, affection, and like to feel just plain ol’ special! Just like Rhianna stated, “make me feel like the only girl in the world.” Yes ladies that’s what we like, but guess what it requires WORK on their part. In the beginning of our relationships, which I call the floating on air phase, our men have no problems completing the task us “attention whores” require. However, as time moves on and the fog clears, they tend to “fall off” when it comes to feeding our attention egos. Honestly sometimes who can blame them? Relationships are like a second job on both ends, and we should be able to claim each other on our taxes as dependents twice a year! We require a lot of attention, and I can understand how that can become exhausting. However, we feel “how you got us, is how you keep us.” Yes men, as selfish as that might sound, that’s the truth for you! Therefore, when your woman feels she’s not getting your undivided attention, she’ll “talk” to you about it, because she loves you and wants to YOU to fix the issue. In fact we’ll express ourselves a lot, which you’ll call “nagging.” Anyhow, we expect you to listen and fix the problem, but if you don’t...well you leave room for another man to swoop in like a vulture and do what you don’t! The vulture will give her enough compliments to last a lifetime, and make her feel totally desirable. He will give her that feeling that she felt when she first fell in love with you. At this point in the game, she is mentally cheating and flirting through the technological evils of text, email, and Facebook, or with that cute co-worker...She’s being mentally sexed by the next dude and flirting with the possibility of making it a physical relationship. Her decision of taking this mental affair to the next level depends on how quick YOU get it together and recognize that she ONLY wants this attention from you and no one else. Fellas the key to sustaining a longterm relationship is to every once in awhile remind her WHY she fell in love with you! Bring home her favorite flowers, cupcakes, cook for her, tell her she looks fine as hell today, and do whatever else you did in the beginning to make her feel special. If you don’t, in the words of a friend of mine “you leave the doors open for the devil to walk in!”    

~Feeling Taken for granted/Unappreciated 

This element of course intertwines with lack of attention. Whenever we feel like we’re not getting the attention us divas need, we blame it on the fact that “you take us for granted.” I’ve had many conversations with various friends on this topic, and at some point we’ve ALL felt this way. Many of us recall how appreciative our partners were when we cooked a great meal or did anything special for them. However, somewhere along the way we realized, hey where’s the “thank you babe” and sweet talk we used to get?! Instead we get zero appreciation and disagreements or arguments begin to surface. Whenever a woman feels as if she goes above and beyond to provide the needs and wants of her partner and get’s no recognition for it...It infuriates us!!! AGAIN we will  do the one thing you hate and that’s “talk” to you about it. If the behavior continues, well say hello to Mr. Devil!

~Boredom!

Lack of attention and feeling unappreciated invites cousin boredom right into your relationship. If you’re not paying her any attention then the excitement we STILL need is missing. Lack of attention equates to little communication and “affection” on our part. All of this is a recipe for disaster and leads to overall monotony in relationships. Boredom makes the mind wander, and again invites outsiders in.

~Stress caused by him/THE PAYBACK

Stress from your man can be due to many things including the three cheating elements I discussed. The situation goes from being a problem to being stressful when no change is happening. Our minds and imagination begin to run wild, and our #1 thought is “are you cheating?!” We start to assume you of cheating because we figure if you’re not paying us any mind, nor do you care to change knowing it hurts us, then WHO are you giving your attention to? Who is fulfilling your needs if we’re not? All of these questions that have now seeped into our brains have invited that devil in your relationship. Trust is now an issue on top of boredom, multiplied by lack of attention, divided by little to no communication, plus no affection. Now after we’re finished playing detective in order to find out WHY you’re “not that into us” anymore, let’s HOPE you’re not cheating. If you are, and IF she decides to stay and work things out...just know that many women can be vindictive. I don’t know what kind of lady you have, but if she believes in the “payback” then she will equal the score! If the other three elements didn’t drive her to cheat, the stress from you cheating WILL be the cherry on the sundae. There is absolutely nothing like a women scorned and fed up! If we feel emotionally raped, we will seek refuge elsewhere, and sometimes it’s in the arms of another...It’s a new day and women can be just as grimy as men; You better believe it.

Men if you fit the description of anything I discussed, and choose to remain the same...you’ve been warned. If you notice her not talking about the issue of her needs anymore as if she could careless that’s a red flag. If she always seems distracted,  and is never affectionate those are beyond red flags. By this point you won’t know that she’s meeting up for lunch or afterwork drinks with whomever...and doing whatever...