PART I. of HE SAID/SHE SAID..."The difference between a jump-off, side-piece&the MISTRESS."

The topic of cheating on your spouse has sparked so much conversation lately. So much so that I'm going create a three-part blog post in order to address every issue around this complicated situation. Now I know what you're thinking and that is; What complications? Cheating is cheating! However, that is not the case because every scandalous "affair" is actually very different depending on the title of the "other person." I recently got into a great debate with a close friend who argued that many men DO fall in love with "the other woman." My argument was yes falling for "her" can happen but it's rare! We went back and forth for awhile until we realized we were arguing about different scenarios. I was debating the "jump-off "or "side-piece" and she was referring to the MISTRESS. This revelation led me to the fact that MANY people aren't aware that each of these titles aren't equatable. Each position ranks differently in a cheating situation. Jump-offs, side-pieces, and mistresses hold a hierarchy position with the person whose stepping outside of their relationship. One of these titles can possibly get "royalty treatment" while the other position receives "peasant treatment." So, before I launch the topic of why people cheat and do they ever leave who they're with for the other person; Let's discuss "Home-wrecker Hierarchy."


"the jump-off": There really isn't much to say about this character because they mean NOTHING and are quickly forgotten once the "act" is over. Fact is in many cases you don't even know this person's last name (depending on how drunk you won't know their 1st name) or  do you care to know anything about them! This my friend is the peasant, the bottom of the barrel, and the crabs of the sea. Where do you meet these crabs? Well usually in any late night hangout spot like bars and clubs. This is the person you started flirting with, touching, kissing, and talking sex with...ALL of the inappropriate things you don't do when you're in a relationship! Now somewhere along the lines of flirting you've decided that you want to bang this person and your list of reasons are diverse, but that's a whole other topic...Anyway once you've decided that fact you KNOW you can't bring them back to your place because you're in a relationship and this person can't know where you leave. You have zero interest to really go to their place, because that's still too close for comfort and you're NOT spending the night. ALL YOU WANT to do is bang, explode, and JUMP OFF..NOTHING more, NOTHING less. Therefore, having sex with jump-offs tend to be in random places like the bathroom or your car. This person only has potential to be the "one nighter" a.k.a. the jump-off!


"The side-piece": We've now stepped up a notch ladies and gentleman; The side-piece is the person who caught you off guard! This is the person you either thought was going to be the jump-off but parlayed their way into seeing you more than once...kinda of like Glenn Close in fatal attraction minus her going nuts. This can also be the person you've known for awhile and have always wanted to "boing" but the timing was never right. Now let's be clear; Yes we've risen a notch in class level but this person still doesn't get the royalty treatment. They will not receive great gifts, flowers, or be financially taken care of. They will not get phone-calls from the cheater while they're at work (only call from work if your smart) or get much attention beyond a text once a week; which lets them know what day they can "hook-up." However, the side-piece is more than your average jump-off because they get more than "1 night." Recognize that if you're a side-piece you WILL get more than one night, but the situation WON'T last that long. It's still strictly "business" and the person doing the cheating gets bored after awhile if you have nothing to offer but sex. Many times this is why someone in a relationship chooses to have a side-piece; they tend to have multiple side-pieces, the way most people like multiple sides on their dinner plate. If sex is the only gratification the person wants, then trust  and know that most times variety is key! 
* Note- Cheaters who indulge in side-piece relationships tend to be serial cheaters, but again that's another topic, another article.


"THE MISTRESS": We're moving on up like George and Weezy Jefferson baby! This is the woman or MAN that makes your spouse scared to the pit of their stomach. This person in many cases gets better treatment than the spouse. The mistress is getting the person the "spouse fell in love with". The mistress many times receives thoughtful gifts, phone calls, and attention the spouse "USED TO GET". The Queen-B doesn't have to worry about the stressful responsibilities of a house-hold or their lover being argumentative, ungrateful, or nagging. This relationship is a fairytale to an "authentic monogamous relationship" and that's why the cheater keeps the mistress around! The mistress is a break from the real life stress that comes with long-term relationships. The mistress gets the name "home-wrecker" because they have the ability to destroy a relationship by getting their lover to emotionally connect. They have the ability to keep the man coming back for YEARS in some cases. The MISTRESS has the ability to do what every spouse fears...and that is to make their lover actually care about them. In worse case scenario they can even get their lover to fall in love with them. Mistresses hold a certain level of power...


Now that we're done with the breakdown of these titles many questions can still arise such as:

• Can a person move up or down in title? 
• Does a person ever leave their spouse for these people?
• What drives a person to cheat?
• Is cheating ever the spouses fault?
• Should cheating be a deal breaker in relationships?
• Is every cheating situation different?

*All of these questions will be addressed  in part.11 and part.III. I will say this though- "Show me the beginning and I'll show you the end." Meaning normally the way a relationship starts is how it ends. Therefore, if it started off scandalous don't expect the fairytale ending.