PART II. of HE SAID/SHE SAID...I'M IN LOVE W/THE "OTHER PERSON..."

Now that we know the distinction of home-wrecker hierarchy, we can move on to the topic no faithful husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend ever wants to be faced with; What happens when your partner falls in love with the "other person?" This topic was at the center of the debate I had with a girlfriend of mine. Her take was that even though women are emotional creatures, there are many cases when MEN fall in love with their mistress. Please note that I stated "mistress" because men do NOT fall in love with jump-off's and side-pieces. However, if a jump-off or side-piece beat the odds, and managed to sleep her way to the "top" ranking of the mistress...then okay. This topic has so many dimensions and I'm going to try and cover each one.

Imagine you're the person being cheated on by your spouse. You find out by snooping, facebook, email, cell-phone, or any other technological relationship killer. You confront your partner with all the questions you have once you're done flipping out. Here are some of those questions YOU BETTER get the answers to.

When men cheat women want to know...DETAILS! We have questions within our top 5 questions; pay attention.

1. How long has this been going on?!- Men there are many few times that women are totally shocked when finding out about affairs. We are inquisitive, intuitive, and nosey by nature. Therefore before we confront men about the b#t*!, we've already utilized our inspector gadget skills to find out quite a bit of information. Furthermore fellas, if you have a very bold woman on your hands, you can guarantee she's already called or confronted the other woman. When we ask this question as well as many others, we probably already know the answer. We just want to see if you have the audacity to keep lying! Secondly, the time frame of your indiscretions matter because we begin to compile your lies. We start thinking about all the times you told us you were working late, at the gym, or running errands. We start to imagine all of those errands as being your alibi and the periods in which you were creeping! Lastly, the time period also gives us an idea of how important "that chic" means to you. We're trying to assess if there's an emotional connection, thus letting us know where we stand in the situation. The time period gives us an idea if the home wrecker has a emotional hold on you.     
2. Who is she (inside we're thinking does she look better than me?)?!- Once we know that the other woman isn't anyone we know (if your woman knows her, just bob and weave her slaps and hide YOUR breakables) We must know what the witch looks like! Due to technological advances we've probably figured that out also. If facebook, myspace, or pics to your phone didn't tell us, we probably found her number, ran a scam, and figured out her residence. Men are you scared??? Well you should be because we are resourceful and smart! Many men are sloppy when it comes to cheating, so "cracking the case" tends to be easy. However fellas, this is a lose lose situation because, if she doesn't look better than your woman you're going to feel her wrath. Expect a one-way screaming match of  her yelling "that's the whore you cheated on me with, muthaf#$%#!". However secretly we don't want her to look better, we actually want her as ugly as possible so we can feel we're better about about being cheated on. As twisted as this sounds it's the truth. Therefore if you're going to cheat, ugly is the way to go in our eyes. If she looks better than us, you'll have more of a price to pay, so be ready for that! Lastly we want to know her success level such as what kind of career she has. Now men if you haven't figured it out already, yes we are secretly wishing she's a loser!! Why? Well we want to know that "THIS BITCH has NOTHING on us!" All of those details give us ammunition for those classic wig out/flip out/scream at the top of our lungs moments.   
3. Where did you meet her?- We probably know this answer when we cracked the case like an episode of Law&Order. We're just trying to assess will you lie about it. However, if we don't know how you met her, there IS NO RIGHT ANSWER! Just know that whatever place or location you say, you won't be allowed there anymore IF she forgives you. In fact you won't be allowed much of anywhere, so I hope you like being home bound. If she's a co-worker, well damn I feel sorry for you! Either you'll be finding another job or she'll be popping up and calling your workplace often. 
4. DO YOU LOVE HER? (Is the sex better than ours?)  , which is knowing this information won't do anything but make us feel worse. So don't even say "she's just different" because we'll want to know how so?! Plead the fifth, and tell that "white lie." Remember you've already been caught cheating so need to make matters worse by telling her a useless detail.
5. Who do you want to be with?- Many women will proclaim that cheating is a deal breaker. However, when we're faced with this head on in LONG-TERM relationships we consider staying, we just don't tell you that! We want you to sweat, and feel like you're losing the best thing that's ever happened to you. But first and foremost we need to know WHERE IS YOUR HEART? We not only want to know you still love us, but to once again know "she's not important" to you. Once we know your heart lies with us, we now start to weigh the good qualities our relationship once had. We measure how good you were up until this point. Ladies when thinking about those qualities know that there's a difference between a man who's a serial cheater and a man who has an affair (I'll get into that topic another time). However, I will tell you this; If you are a man who's cheated once, that doesn't make you "dog" or a bad guy. In fact, there are some men who are faithful, have always treated their lady right, but yet found themselves in this situation. With that being said, many women weigh these qualities of their man and consider staying and working the relationship out. Deciding to give things another try doesn't make you weak in this situation. (*If your man is abusive or your relationship is dysfunctional then LEAVE). 

When women cheat&actually get caught men want to know...VERY LITTLE DETAILS! Their questions are straight forward and to the point.

1. Who is he, where is he from?- Now that you've stomped your man's ego to the ground, he's trying to pick up those pieces. One way in which he tries to do this is by finding out what kind of "dude were you sexing." He's concerned with knowing who he is, does he know him, and where he's from. Your man will take this information and assess if your "other guy" is punk, douchbag, or cornball based on what he does for a living and how much money he makes. Even if your man KNOWS he's leaving you, he wants to leave you in the hands of this "wack douchbag" to let you know; YOU lost a good man. If he decides to stay based on circumstances, just know that men are way less forgiving than we are, and spiteful becomes their first name.
2. How long have you've been sleeping with him?- Knowing this information gives him insight as to how long "he was being played." Unlike us, he doesn't want the details of knowing was the sex great or not. The thought of another man having sex with "his woman" already makes him want to kill you and the other guy. The realization that another man was "blowing your back out" is enough to make him catch a life sentence, so NO he doesn't want sexual details.
3. Do you love "the dude?"- If your man can get past the fact that you let another man touch you, then this question will come up. Cheating for us is a double standard and a lot men are not as forgiving as we are. Therefore, this question is less likely. However, if the question arises and the answer is "yes," they know they've basically lost us. Again the reason being is that by nature we're emotional beings, and once we love our hearts are now tied to that person.                                                       

 The "other women"- There are always three sides to a story; His side, hers, and the truth! Therefore, I had to write about the perspective of the mistress. There are two different types of mistresses; The ones who seek men in relationships and the ones who claim they "never knew he was involved."

1. The seekers are the women who claim they like the title of mistress, because they receive better treatment than the wife. They claim that financially and sexually their needs are being met and they're satisfied. Most profess they love dating men who are taken because they don't have to deal with the responsibilities of a household. My take is, being the mistress starts off "exciting" or "fun"but years of this behavior just exposes the issues she has. Trust issues and low self-worth are usually at the forefront once she decides to examine why she chooses to be secondary. Once she realizes she is worth a full commitment, being a mistress becomes un-fulfilling to her needs.
2. The women who claim they never knew they were mistresses CHOSE not to see the red flags. If family holidays such as Christmas come around and he never dedicates those days to you, he's probably in a relationship. If you've never spent any of those days with his family, only has his cell-phone number and he rarely answers when you call he's probably with someone else. If you've never spent weekends or weeknights at his place than your THE OTHER WOMAN! If he doesn't allow you access into the details of his life; The access wives and girlfriends get than you're the other women...period! Therefore, I don't accept the idea that they didn't know. I believe these women also suffer with low self-esteem and stay with men like that because they don't think they deserve more.

The "other man"- Unlike the mistresses, the men are very different. Ego's rule here and they love the fact that they're freaking another man's woman. Their egos are fed because of the fact that you keep coming back. They know they have a sexual control over you, which leaves them like a pig in mud! The other man enjoys the opportunity to get his needs met with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. Home-wrecking men are able to be unemotional and it's highly unlikely that they'll fall in love with you. They're usually strictly in it for the fun and the thrills! 


I hope I brought some enlightenment to this very complicated issue. In part I of he said/she said I ended with questions I hopefully answered. 
So lets re-cap: Moving up the home-wrecker hierarchy ladder is rare but possible. Every cheating situation is NOT the same and deciding to end a relationship depends on the circumstances surrounding the infidelity. Now "what drives a mate to cheat?" will be the final topic for Part III of He Said/She Said. Stay tuned...